


december 16th: letters under my window

by watergator



Series: december fic advent 2018 [16]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Epistolary, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: prompt: halodan leaves letters to his guardian angel





	december 16th: letters under my window

dear guardian angel,

sorry it’s been so long. probably like what? twelve years? holy shit time isn’t real. i think i stopped writing letters once i was in secondary school and one of the kids came over to my house after school and i rushed upstairs because i remembered i’d left my letter under my window and i think i balled it up and threw it away. i know it’s a stupid thing to feel sad about but sometimes i do feel bad for doing that. 

i only really remembered about these letters when nana texted me tonight. she sent me a message saying she was thinking of us both and wishing us well travels to brazil (we’re leaving tomorrow) and at the end she told me she’d be leaving her letter under her window to you. it made me smile, you know, the stupid grin you find yourself doing when something makes you ridiculously happy. phil had asked me what it was that she’d said that had made me smile like that, but i wouldn’t tell him. i’ve always quite liked having these letters between me, you and nana.

nana used to write them before bed then tuck them up into a small square and place it beneath her window. i must have been six or seven or whatever when i saw her do it one night. and in my annoying baby voice i’d asked her what those letters were and she told me they were letters to her guardian angel. the next night i wrote one too.

i don’t think i always fully believed in angels (sorry) but it felt really good to have somebody to write too sometimes. i used to scribble down incoherent rambles of a child and leave it beside my window for you to read. they used to be full of wishes, fears, secrets and hopes and dreams. looking back now, i guess nana was the one who would read them. maybe that’s why we grew so close. but i’m not doing that sappy shit right now. i just need to write this letter and leave it under my window and tell you im sorry for never writing anymore.

i forgot about old traditions and found new ones. i guess if you are real then you’d know this. nights don’t end with writing anymore but instead with words to the man i love until we fall asleep. writing letters was therapeutic but having someone answer me back is helping. phil is helping. he has been for the last nine, almost ten years.

in the beginning i used to wonder why my angel never took my letters. my tiny child brain, not yet so cynical would ponder as to if you’d even read them at all, but nana would tell me with a grin that angel mail was a little slow since heaven was so high up, and that sometimes they’d come sit on my window and read it whilst i slept, leaving it behind as they left. looking back, that’s a really fucking weird thing to say. thanks nana, for terrifying me with the idea that giant winged, halo baring creatures used to sit in my room and watch me sleep. and if that is true then i just wanna say that i’m lucky i’m such a heavy sleeper.

i don’t believe in god. not really. not a whole lot. i do like to think that there really are guardian angels out there though. i’m sorry i can’t remember your name though, through my childhood i probably had one for you.

phil believes in a lot of stuff like that though. he thinks fate is real and the universe has some sort of magic sense of timing. it’s all bullshit though. but i let him believe that. i like phil. i hope that if you’ve been watching over me all this time, that you like phil too. we’re going to brazil tomorrow, it’s the last of our tour, the last stretch of road for us to travel across. business wise, at least. there’s still so much of the world we’re ready to go to.

we’re going to greece again next summer. it’ll be weird without bry and wirrow but we’ll have fun nonetheless. speaking of, if i’m gonna start up the prayer chain might as well start here. take care of them both, please. they’ve been good friends to us over the years. they need a little love in their life so if you’re listening, give them what you have please.

look over martyn and cornelia also. they’re not coming to brazil but they came with us for every other step of the way across the world. give them rest and love whilst they have their break. they fucking deserve it.

look over nana and mum and adrian and colin for me whilst i’m gone. i’ll be seeing them when christmas rolls around, but for now make sure they’re okay. dad too please.

take care of the crew and the rest of the team. they’ve done a lot for us, and i’m not sure how much gratitude i could give them for helping us get this far, so i suppose a prayer to my angel wouldn’t go amiss.

and lastly, keep phil safe. lord knows i’ve tried but that boy honestly has me fried. i love him more than anything, really, and if anything were to happen to him, i’m not sure what i’d do. so keep him safe, keep him healthy and well and for the love of god give me strength to have to put up with him on the plane tomorrow. he’s gonna be testing my patience and pardon my blasphemy but jesus fucking christ if he dares tries to play ispy with me i will be forcibly ejecting him from the plane.

(but even if i did, make sure he makes it back to earth safely. i don’t hate him that much.)

i know my nana probably has our names in prayer already (she always does) but if you’re reading this, guardian angel, then thank you. i can’t lie and tell you i’m back to writing letters for under my window. i don’t think i need that anymore. consider this a goodbye letter.

i’m not gonna say something incredibly mushy about phil being my guardian angel because if he wakes before me tomorrow and reads this before i have a chance to take it and hide it away, (phil, fuck off if you are reading this, you shit) but just know that i don’t need angels taking care of me anymore. i have someone that taught me how to do that myself. and it’s going pretty well right now.

so, big blonde creature of the clouds, thank you for your time and your service (?) in my life, but this is a goodbye. maybe one day i’ll return with letters under my window, but for now i think i’m gonna be okay. cheers for everything.

love, your friend dan.

**Author's Note:**

> (this was something me and my mum used to do when i was younger, so i thought it'd be a cute idea to use that for this fic)
> 
> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


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